The Beginning

We found out that we were expecting twins in June of 2016, they were due to arrive February 21, 2017. I was both elated and nervous. This was my first pregnancy, and twins did not run in my family at all. What followed was a blur of appointments, worries, and celebrations.

January 11th my life turned upside down. My water broke. 36 hours of labor and an unplanned cesarean and my two little angels where born on January 13th. Alexis Belle, 4 pounds 11 ounces, and her sister Olivia May, 4 pounds 5 ounces. They were the two most perfect babies ever. They had also arrived 6 weeks early, they needed NICU time. I tried to prepare myself for the NICU the moment I found out I was carrying twins, but nothing did. I got one brief glance at both girls in the operating room, and they were taken away. In recovery I said goodbye to Alexis as they took her to a different hospital, Olivia followed several hours later.
Olivia May

Alexis Belle 
Recovery was rough. I was alone most of my stay. My husband Jake followed my girls to the new hospital, while my mother made sure I got settled in, she then went home to take course of her other children. Reality set in at that point. I was a "mother" but I had not held my children yet. I sobbed, the pain of the surgery was no where near the pain of being away from my girls. I didn't sleep that night. The next day I had a nurse inform me that she would work to make a way for me to visit my girls. I just had to be able to manage my pain, and show them i was mobile. My mother came and helped me walk around the hospital floor. Little did I know our path would take us past the nursery. I lost it. I cried, I couldn't bear to see, or hear the babies, I knew mine weren't there. I was heart broken.

My nurse came back with the most fantastic news. I was approved to leave for a couple of hours to visit my girls. I was overwhelmed with excitement. Jake came to pick me up. I cried at the thought of properly meeting the girls, and holding them. I walked in to Alexis' hospital room first, she was in the middle of a feeding. I got the opportunity to hold her, and finish her feeding. I was mesmerized with her. She was the size of a baby doll. I was stunned, I couldn't get past the thought that I created this little human being. Olivia came to join us. I was able to do skin to skin with my little girls. Once I had them both in my arms, I came to understand what true happiness felt like. I never wanted to leave that moment. Little did I know this was just the beginning of my journey.
Holding the girls for the first time

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